Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Go Directly to Jail

I feel sort of like a criminal must feel just before committing the crime, which explains why my life of crime was limited to lifting costume earrings from Newberry's on the miracle mile when I was in second grade. I'm assuming the statute of limitations is up, although I actually did return them to the manager (with a little prodding from Mom and Dad) and that scared me enough to never again consider any type of pilfering. But I digress. I decided this morning after a week of not really eating a substantial breakfast that I was hungry enough to disregard the warnigns of "not really gluton-free" and go ahead with the Frosted Flakes program. Because the flakes are corn, I initially assumed that they were safe, and if you can have Frosted Flakes in your world, you can face anything. However, I was told in dire terms by the guy at the gluton-free store, and truthfully after disregarding Katie's pronouncement, that Frosted Flakes do in fact contain trace amounts of gluton and therefore do not qualify as gluton-free, and therefore should not be eaten. Screw that. I have been a good soldier going on two weeks now, and I have a doctors appointment in approximately 45 minutes, and I am going in with the largest chip on my shoulder that may need surgery to remove. I want food. I want good food. I want to wake up in the morning and have an english muffin with blueberry preserves drizzled on top. I want to look forward to a meal and not dread the though of going to eat somewhere because I am never sure if the only option for me will be salad. I was never a big fan of salad. I ate it because it was doing the right thing, and I do try to do the right thing most of the time. However, when doing the right thing means that you will never have another good drive-by meal (OK, Lobster notwithstanding-but how often can we pull THAT treat together?) you start to get a little radical and criminal behavior does begin to become an option. In true denial fashion and somewhat like Butterfly McQueen in Gone with the Wind, I did all the chores I was supposed to get done before committing this nutritional crime. Putting off the act itself gave me a little time to really think through the ramifications of what I was about to do. I Cleared up the kitchen from last night's stalkers (not me! I never know who it is, but they don't throw away the wrappers), emptied the dishwasher, loaded the diswasher, watered and fed all the dogs, got dressed, made up and hair done, and of course made the bed. Only then did I truly contemplate the radical action I was about to partake, and throwing caution to the wind I poured myself a moderate size bowl of sugar frosted flakes. A double whammy in the world of nutrition based upon an approved diabetic diet and a gluton free program of eating. Just to make this a diamond in the world of breakfast, I added a sliced peach fresh from Rogers Orchard around the corner. If you know anything about peaches, you know the last week of August peaches from Rogers are incomparable. And so, the breakfast decadence behind me, I will now march into my doctors office and see what HE has to say about my moments of indiscretion. And then I guess in addition to the co-pay, I'll find out exactly how much that breakfast choice will cost me in discomfort. Whatever happens know this-it was delicious!

No comments: