Tuesday, November 15, 2011

aaaaahhhhhh. the great outdoors.

I've often thought that I would have enjoyed being a type of pioneer woman. I love the outdoors and am so inspired by vistas of undeveloped land. I was going to say vistas of wilderness, but really, I'm not exactly sure what a wilderness is. Unknown territory? Or simply uncrowded territory? For me, I love being in an area that is undeveloped and has few people. Just the wind and the birds and the howling snow. However, let me first clarify that howling snow is only fun if you are sitting inside a toasty cabin with a roaring fire. Howling snow when I'm sitting outside without shelter or warmth is not what I meant. So, maybe pioneer woman is not exactly what I was meant to be. Maybe I was meant to be right where I am, with a little bit of civilization right here in my house. Warmth, food, beautiful vistas out the window and minimal population. I may achieve that today, because Jerry is working a double shift, and I was foolish enough to lend my car to Allison to take to school. And so, I will be here at home until 7 PM without anyone but the dogs to keep me company. I did send Allison to the grocery last night (I'm really working this new license thing) because we were in need of a few staples, and she was willing. And so, the cupboard is full and I will be here in my own little wilderness until they all wander in tonight at 7-ish. She has a job after school taking someone's Senior picture, and will be going directly to a fall sports program. As I said, just me and the dogs until 7 PM. I cannot leave. There is much for me to do here at the old homestead, because I did not do much yesterday, a result of my arthritis issues. I just sat here. I had no desire to leave and was so happy when Allison said she would do the shopping for me. But now, when I can't leave, it's a little bit different. If truth be told, I'm starting to get a little freaked, and it's only 11:30. I may take Bailey down the road to visit the cows and the pigs, just because I don't like to walk alone. He is good company, when he's on a leash. The other two couldn't be bothered. So, just me and Bailey and the great outdoors. I could put my garden to bed. People do that here. They pull all the old stems and weeds and clear the garden for spring planting. I prefer to put off til spring what I could have done today. By springtime the garden has mulched most of its weeds and needs to be turned anyway. That's out. Plus, it's kind of cold out there. I guess I'll sit here by the fire. Just me and the dogs, alone.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Happy Birthday Baby

Although my "baby" is 28 today, what adult children never realize until they are parents is that they will be forever "babies" in our minds. As soon as you become a parent, that little face and those little cries are forever in our hearts. It becomes a film (rather lengthy at this point) of faces and emotions and heart-bursts that goes on and on. There are few moments that we don't remember in detail, even if those moments have been long forgotten by our children. We remember every cry, every giggle and every beautiful smile that has existed in our childs lives, and feel that pride more and more with each recurring memory. We still look at pictures drawn in play school and it triggers a love so strong that it hurts. And even while it's hurting we can remember the little chubby fingers that worked so hard to make a present for "Mommy", and there is no feeling like it in the world. I don't know about anyone else, but there is no gift on this earth that could hold as much value to me as those first drawings and fruit loop necklaces that were presented with unconditional love. The same unconditional love that was there the minute they were born. In one moment, I met someone whom I would give my life for, and that feeling has never gone away. Just try and hurt that child, and you will experience "the wrath of Mom". And just as quick, my own children will experience that same wrath if they choose to do something that hurts someone else. It was and is our job to teachh them right from wrong, and if you take that seriously, it is a lifelong job. Because yes, children do learn by what you do, not by what you say. Sometimes that makes things so uncomfortable for us as adults. Because sometimes it would just be nice to put your feet up and say "not my problem". However, the heart that loves also knows that it is a job that lasts forever. And for me, that is OK. Because I signed on 28 years ago, and I've never been sorry. Happy Birthday Sweetheart. Thank you for all your smiles. You have made me a better person, and I am so proud of every thing you do. I'm still hanging your creations on frig. You amaze me every day. Now, would you please call home? I've been trying to reach you for three days. :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Free at last! Free at last!

I was able to sleep in this morning. The reason for that you ask? Allison has passed her road test!!!!! We have a new attitude in the morning. Jerry waved the bus by, because he slowed at our house on the off chance that Allison would be late and running out the door. Why would he have that idea? Anyway, of course it does include the fact that I am now sharing my car, but that in actuality isn't so bad. It keeps me home during the day, and suddenly our house is cleaner and dinner's are being artfully planned. I think this might work. If I DO need to run into town for some reason, Allie is home at 2:30 and I can take care of any errands then, or even better, I can give her cash and let HER run the errands for me after school. I think I will parlay this new situation into something great! It has also worked wonders on her attitude. I can't really say that she had a bad attitude, but she has been a bit distanced from us for awhile-not really interested in our activities or conversations-just kind of keeping to herself and staying holed up in her room-normal teenage stuff that just kind of grates on your nerves-without actually being something that you can complain about. When asked why she is holed up in her room, the answer is "I'm studying". Can't really be annoyed about that can you? But now, we have a lovely participant who is setting the table, making salads and joining into our conversations about trivial things, with a smile no less-all because keeping Mom happy will result in possibly being able to use the car. All of a sudden I have power. POWER! I have not had power since I was in charge of the TV and computers. I could pull the plug on those pretty quick when she was in middle school. High School punishments are reserved for some really serious stuff-thankfully, we have had few of those. But now, I hold the keys to the kingdom. I do realize that it is only for the next year until she goes to college, but I shall revel in it. I actually asked her to get me a soda yesterday. It felt kind of like "peel me a grape" because I was simply lounging in my chair and had no good reason to not get up and get it myself. Maybe I went a little overboard, but it's still new to us both. I know it will wear off, the driving thing. But for now, It's working for me. Champagne anyone?