Friday, July 25, 2008
We seem to be shopping alot lately. Is this what retirees normally do? Actually, I don't really think so either. I believe once we get our house in order, the shopping will lose its necessity. I am enjoying picking out decor and appliances, but it does devalue everything when you are buying in bulk like this. The whole retiree thing is kicking in, and I still don't know how I feel. I wake up some mornings feeling slightly lost, as though whatever it is I have planned for the day is not important enough. I am wondering sometimes if I am happiest with routine. I know Jerry likes to work, and he is loving this bee job so much that it motivates and rejuvenates him. He loves those bees. He is at a bee removal today, in Saratoga. He and Dan left at 7:30 to get over there before the crowds get going. It's in season now. They both love the bees, and they have alot in common. It inspires me to find my niche. I love the spinning and am anxiously awaiting the excavation of the pasture, because that brings me a little closer to my goal - farming. The reality is though that we won't be able to bring on any livestock until at least next spring. Which leaves me without livestock, and without a job. A farmer without a farm. Incredibly, I am not feeling terribly stressed about this. Is this a character flaw? Or am I finally finding my vocation? It is a question I ask myself daily. Physically, being home and being busy with minutae is absolutely the best medicine. I feel better than I have in years. Emotionally, I am struggling with the notion of "unemployment". My friend Cathy told me to wait it out and enjoy the moment. That is the hardest lesson for me to learn. Enjoy the moment. There are moments when that is too easy, and moments that fly by without a second thought, lost in the rush and chaos of each day. We are enjoying the process, but will both be relieved when it is somewhat complete. If we can get it to where the house is 50% completed,it will be better, I know. Right now, we are living admidst chaos, mess and disorder. I think the answer here is obvious. We need to go fishing. Only fishing will alleviate this feeling of anxiousness. If you fish, you know what I mean. We're compadres. If you don't fish, you should try it. It instills patience and a feeling of calm that you can get nowhere else. We are both fly fishers, although my son Walter loves to salt water fish. Different strokes. But we all love being on the water and the deliberate activity that goes with fishing. The rythem of casting, the ticking of the reel. It is a peaceful activity that allows for moments of thrilling chance. To catch a fish is the goal, not always the outcome. And to enjoy a day fishing doesn't mean that you have to catch a fish. Unlike golf, there is no score. A successfull day fishing means you got there. After that its all gravy. If you catch a fish, great. If not, well, maybe coming back tomorrow will fix that. It is peaceful,solitary and communing with nature is always a stress antidote. I think Huckleberry Finn said it best: "I ain't goin to school - I'm goin fishing!" Job? What job?
at 8:20 AM