Friday, December 5, 2008

Stick It

The Glidden people and the Dutch Boy people have figured out that stripping masking tape off the wall is damaging to a delicate and freshly painted surface. They have developed blue painter's tape that is made specifically to protect your walls. And yet, the medical community sees no reason to update the surgical tape that they have been using for the past 100 years. It was the predecessor to duct tape, which was offered for sale to the general public only after they toned it down a little so as not to damage the steel ducts that run beneath your home. The surgical tape they left at full strength so that when you tear it off your body following delicate surgery, with the remnants of an open wound lying helpless and vulnerable, it will do the most amount of damage to the wound and the surrounding healthy tissue. I don't understand it, and no one can explain it to me. As you must have guessed, today was the day I took off the bandages from surgery, and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! Why do they do this? Every medical procedure I have ever had was followed by brutal bandages being ripped off just as the wound was beginning to actually feel a little better. And the best solution and improvement they have come up with in 100 years? Staples. That felt great after delivering a 7.5 pound baby from my abdomen. Staple her shut, that will work! And yet, when you do need a simple bandage to stick on a cut that is actually bleeding, like a skinned knee or a scraped finger, can you ever get the band-aid to stick? Of course not. That would be asking too much. I have actual scars from the removal of electrodes during the emergency EKG I had done last week, as well as the cardiac catheterization. They like to keep those electrodes on during these procedures, which I totally understand. But truthfully, those electrodes are stuck on so tight I could bungee jump from the gurney without them coming dislodged. Is it necessary to have them stick forever? Wouldn't "slightly gummy" be sufficient? I'm not exactly dancing on the bed, I'm laying there pretty darn still. I am vested enough in this procedure that I would even offer to hold them in place if it would save even one layer of my epidermis. The hematomas caused by these circular pads of human crazy glue make me look like an advertisement for Target-the Department Store. They are red, and they are round. They're just not so cute. And now, my left shoulder is covered with betadine stained adhesive that I can't get off without scrubbing, and I hesitate to scrub too hard as the wound is just beginning to heal. This is truly a conundrum. Do I scrap off the adhesive, or let the wound heal? I'm not sure. I just know that the next time I have a wallpapering job to do, I am going to contact St. Mary's hospital. I wonder if I can get it in bulk?

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