Thursday, August 5, 2010


Our hearts are bursting with the joy and relief of a safe and healthy delivery of our Grandson Michael Collins III. What a great day! We got the call last night, and Nicole and her son (her son! how cool!) are doing just fine. We will be seeing them all this weekend and cannot wait to be formally introduced to the little guy! I am in the process (as we speak) of "prepping" for my procedures tomorrow, and I am learning exactly how tuned into my kitchen I actually am. The thought of not being able to "graze" through the day has me in a bit of a panic. I'm just very used to eating and testing and balancing my blood sugars throughout the day with food and drink. I am limited today to clear fluids and at 10:29 AM I can say that I am ready to go to bed and call it a day. It's not working for me. My cereal in the morning is the first thing I missed, and trying to balance my sugars without food is really a challenge for me. I really like my food. Don't we all? Anyway, that's my day. I will probably go to bed around 6 PM because that will just bring me a bit closer to tomorrow and getting this whole thing "behind" me. Pun intended. It's the right thing to do, and so I do it. Many have gone before me, I am fearless! Well, sort of. Summer is winding down and yesterday I made my first "september" appointment. Turning that page to Sept. was painful. I'm not quite ready this year. I haven't done a number of things I planned, and I feel as though time is no longer something I can control. It's a scary feeling. But scarier is the thought that at some time I thought I COULD control time. What was I thinking? Who was I kidding? I guess I get a little philosophical this time of year. August has lately been the month of loss. My parents both passed in August, and the events of 2005 for me have taken a long time to process. I am acutely aware of how brilliant and how fleeting life really is. Although I knew that before, I am so concious of it on a daily basis now, that sometimes it is overwhelming. Being so aware of life is often a gift, often a burden. Even blogging takes on "higher" aspirations. What am I trying to say, and is it worth saying on a public blog? Some days I'm clear on that some day I have no idea. I guess what I would like to know is that I am taking every day and bringing something of value to the table of life. My friendship, my love, my passions. Are we all bringing something to the table besides our wants and needs? We are adding to our family, to our circle. I don't have to figure out the answer of life. I just have to enjoy it. Eat something good today. I will join you tomorrow.

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