Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Well, the colonoscopy is behind us (no pun intended) and we are looking forward to a quiet day. I was truthfully very impressed with the whole hospital - they had these colonoscopys running like a car wash - one in one out - moving us along with split second precision and effective care. I have to make this appointment myself, and have pledged to do it by the end of this year - that gives me until December. I actually don't mind any surgery, it's the prep I'm afraid of. Watching Jerry go through it all yesterday, my stomach was turning for him. We're searching online to see how often this test is recommended, because we'd like to start the dread process immediately. As I told Jerry, he's not a perfect asshole because they did find a polyp. Most likely benign but being tested anyway. So, we'll wait. Optimistically, but we'll wait. He never seems to appreciate my humor. He was half out of it anyway (which makes you also half in it?) Who came up with that anyway? Discussing with the nurse how he is quite capable of driving home. No problems there. Yes sir, I'm sure you are. But your wife will drive you anyway. . . OK? I have had so many surgical procedures that I can't remember them anymore, I have to pull out a sheet of paper with the dates, etc. I'm just pointing this out because the questions that are asked are for information purposes, and you begin to understand this when you've been doing it over and over. High Blood Pressure? "I've been going to a new doctor since we moved here from Long Island, and he seemed to think my blood pressure was a little high, so I was testing it at home for him. After I took the results back to his office, he decided against prescribing the blood pressure medicine for me, but I don't think the readings were high anyway. Alot of people I talk to have much higher readings and . . . yada yada yada." The correct answer here would have been "Yes" or "No". There is a verbal shorthand that you develop when you are an experienced patient - and it does make the procedures move along more quickly. It also keeps you from having too many in-depth conversations with the hospital staff. Jerry has not developed this shorthand. He is a chatty and personable kind of guy who likes to engage people in conversation. Anywhere. He does this at every venue we are at - the grocery cashier, the movie ticket gal, any type of sales person at all is a target for Jerry's easygoing and humorous conversation skills, and his jokes. After loading the grocery register with obviously 20 or 30 bags of grocerys, he says, "Keep it under $20 would ya? And laughs everytime. It can be a charming and whimsical way to engage people, or not. I have actually said to him "Don't speak" when we have arrived at a store. Sometimes I just want to get in and out. Quick. Joking with the staff is not my idea of in and out. So, we disagree on occasion. Only today I am driving and I am in charge. Don't speak, don't move, don't walk the dog, don't take out the trash, don't do anything. It's going to be his day for R&R. If he lets me. There is not enough hijinx going on here to satisfy him. I will have to bring in some outside entertainment. Maybe the fed-ex guy? Maybe Dan can come and play? He's not going to be happy just talking to me. I might have to medicate him. Or me. We'll see.

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