Monday, September 8, 2008


I am AARP's newest member. After receiving the personal invitation in the mail, sometime in June if my aged mind recalls correctly, I did hang onto it for awhile. I was not quite ready to join up with AARP, although the Red Hat Club has had my heart for years. It is a different type of organization, and tends to talk up to people - up being older. I feel as if I have joined a group of ill and immobile octagenarians because all of the graphics that came with the New Member Packet reflect noticably "aged" members. I'm not denying my qualifications. I qualify. But they make you feel as though having a life is a new choice - not something that has been going on right along. Jerry asked me today "what makes you feel old", and I can truthfully say, nothing. Some days I feel old because I'm tired or sore or bla bla bla. My body determines how my head feels. There are days when I can conquer the world. There are days when I can't conquer the breakfast table. It's hit or miss. I am hitting alot more often though, since we moved upstate. I generally feel healthier and I am certainly embracing a healthier lifestyle with exercise and activities. But the whole AARP mentality is just too demographically incorrect for me. I don't always want to discuss the issues that seem to be so relevant to the membership. I am not so much retired, as retried. I want to retry the employment thing, with passion for the job, not the paycheck. I want to retry all the things that I passed over before, because now I am wiser and in a position to do it again, with a joie de vivre that didn't exist when I was so much younger. I get it now. I understand priorities and I trust my instinct alot more than I did before. I know what I need, and I know what works for me. It took a long time to get to this place in my head, but I am there. I feel good! As Gloria Steinem said when told she looked great for 50, "this is what 50 looks like". Except I don't look anything like her. Maybe that's what the new 50 looks like, whatever the heck you want to be. For me, it's farming. I want to be busy and dirty and in touch with the animals we choose to raise. I want to look out and know that they are thriving due to our ministrations, and our choices for them. I want to be important and essential in establishing the quality of the lives of these animals. It is a purpose that I want to explore in depth. I feel like I have been heading to this point all my life and now we are here. And it's not happening fast enough. The pasture grass is growing. Have you ever watched the grass grow? It's too slow. We are watching it, every day. Not fast enough.
We went into town Friday because we had time on our hands, and it was a beautiful day. We had a spectacular time just running errands. We did the pharmacy, doctor's appointments, Library, pizza for lunch, bookstore and antique shops - all on one block. It was fabulous. As we were looking in a furniture store window, I noticed an adorable display that had fabric apples in a peck basket. The stems were cinnamon sticks with felt leaves. It was so cute. My first thought was "someone has way too much frigging time on their hands", immediately followed by "where can I get those peck baskets to make my own fabric apples?". I know - it's scary. I am spinning, knitting and painting. Next will be crochet, tatting and paint by numbers. Soon I will be making little cozys to cover the toilet paper on the back of the bowl, and it's only September! I'm doomed! I've spent the day cleaning and polishing every surface in this house. My shoulder is hanging off my neck in pain. But I kept mopping! If we don't get animals here soon, I will become some kind of deranged Martha Stewart who is maniacly searching for creativity in every piece of junk she comes by. I can't stand myself. I was picking up lint off the carpet while Jake just looked over his shoulder. I make him nervous. It's Monday! It's gonna be a long week.
It's gonna be a long winter.

No comments: